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The Springfield Paradox

The Springfield Effect is the effect by which every place named Springfield is, in fact, a link to the same place. There is, in reality, only one place in the universe named Springfield, although many places connect to it.

The Springfield Paradox arises from the following observation: there are many springfields (springfield with a small S shall refer to an external contact point to Springfield, or an observable Springfield) connected to one Springfield; thus they must connect at different angles. (These angles are assumed to be in n-dimensional space for some n>3, as the observed Springfield looks fully three-dimensional from all angles.) There is an infinite number of possible angles at which Springfield can be approached.

However, the name "Springfield" is an Anglo-Saxon name, and thus wholly derived from Anglo-Saxon civilisation. Since Anglo-Saxon civilisation has, for better or worse, reached only a finite area of the universe (a large part of the Earth, the dark side of the moon and possibly the hidden UFO bases on Mars), there can only be a finite number of contact points in the observable universe.

One way around this is to assume that there are other contact points to Springfield, which are named otherwise. The names may be the local cultural equivalents of "Springfield", or not. However, this violates the principle of isonomicity, which may be stated as ipso nomen res ipsa, the name itself is the thing itself, and which is seen as being fundamental to the Springfield theory.

Another model, which has some favour, is the higher-Springfield space model. Here, the observable universe is seen as a three-dimensional hypersurface in an n-dimensional space (n>3). If n==4, then the universe divides hyperspace into two regions, as a plane divides three-space; if n>4, this is not the case.

The Springfield effect would hold that this hypersurface is not straight, and is in fact very bent. Springfield is a point where it touches itself several times. Thus, at certain angles from Springfield are the contact points with the observable universe, the springfields. At other angles is just empty n-dimensional hyperspace; if one was to enter that, one would fall through space not comprehensible and probably wreck one's nervous system, albeit enjoying a very interesting trip whilst doing so.

However, hyperspace outside the observable universe need not be empty. There could be other hypersurfaces -- other universes -- there. It is in fact possible that one or more parallel universe touches Springfield at some angle. An implication of this is that if one was to exit Springfield at a particular angle, one might enter a parallel universe. Such a universe may have any number m

Of course, the word "universe" implies unity and uniqueness. Thus, several hypersurfaces in hyperspace cannot each be the universe. However, the three dimensional space which we inhabit is often, perhaps accurately, called the observable universe. Each other such space would be a potential observable universe. By analogy, the n-dimensional space which they all occupy, which contains all potential observable universes may be referred to as the beable universe (pronounced bee-able universe).

Copyright © 1996 The Flat Earth Society

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