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The Joke Book
The Springfield Paradox
The Springfield Effect is the effect by which every place named
Springfield is, in fact, a link to the same place. There is, in
reality, only one place in the universe named Springfield, although
many places connect to it.
The Springfield Paradox arises from the following observation: there
are many springfields (springfield with a small S shall refer to an
external contact point to Springfield, or an observable Springfield)
connected to one Springfield; thus they must connect at different
angles. (These angles are assumed to be in ndimensional space for
some n>3, as the observed Springfield looks fully threedimensional
from all angles.) There is an infinite number of possible angles at
which Springfield can be approached.
However, the name "Springfield" is an AngloSaxon name, and thus
wholly derived from AngloSaxon civilisation. Since AngloSaxon
civilisation has, for better or worse, reached only a finite area of
the universe (a large part of the Earth, the dark side of the moon and
possibly the hidden UFO bases on Mars), there can only be a finite
number of contact points in the observable universe.
One way around this is to assume that there are other contact points
to Springfield, which are named otherwise. The names may be the local
cultural equivalents of "Springfield", or not. However, this violates
the principle of isonomicity, which may be stated as ipso nomen res
ipsa, the name itself is the thing itself, and which is seen as being
fundamental to the Springfield theory.
Another model, which has some favour, is the higherSpringfield space
model. Here, the observable universe is seen as a threedimensional
hypersurface in an ndimensional space (n>3). If n==4, then the
universe divides hyperspace into two regions, as a plane divides
threespace; if n>4, this is not the case.
The Springfield effect would hold that this hypersurface is not
straight, and is in fact very bent. Springfield is a point where it
touches itself several times. Thus, at certain angles from Springfield
are the contact points with the observable universe, the springfields.
At other angles is just empty ndimensional hyperspace; if one was to
enter that, one would fall through space not comprehensible and
probably wreck one's nervous system, albeit enjoying a very
interesting trip whilst doing so.
However, hyperspace outside the observable universe need not be empty.
There could be other hypersurfaces  other universes  there. It is
in fact possible that one or more parallel universe touches
Springfield at some angle. An implication of this is that if one was
to exit Springfield at a particular angle, one might enter a parallel
universe. Such a universe may have any number m
Of course, the word "universe" implies unity and uniqueness. Thus,
several hypersurfaces in hyperspace cannot each be the universe.
However, the three dimensional space which we inhabit is often,
perhaps accurately, called the observable universe. Each other such
space would be a potential observable universe. By analogy, the
ndimensional space which they all occupy, which contains all
potential observable universes may be referred to as the beable
universe (pronounced beeable universe).
Copyright © 1996 The Flat Earth Society
