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Stranger than FictionActual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employeeTECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." TECH: "What sort of trouble?" CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." TECH: "Went away?" CUST: "They disappeared." TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" CUST: "Nothing." TECH: "Nothing?" CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" CUST: "How do I tell?" TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?" CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?" TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" CUST: "What's a monitor?" TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" CUST: "I don't know." TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" CUST: "...Yes, I think so." TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." CUST: "...Yes, it is." TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" CUST: "No." TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." CUST: "...Okay, here it is." TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." CUST: "I can't reach." TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" CUST: "No." TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." TECH: "Dark?" CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then." CUST: "I can't." TECH: "No? Why not?" CUST: "Because there's a power outage." TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?" TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." |
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