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Stranger than Fiction

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (when you get to the end, you'll see why this is from a "former" employee):

TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

TECH: "What sort of trouble?"

CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

TECH: "Went away?"

CUST: "They disappeared."

TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

CUST: "Nothing."

TECH: "Nothing?"

CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

CUST: "How do I tell?"

TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"

TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

CUST: "What's a monitor?"

TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

CUST: "I don't know."

TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

CUST: "...Yes, I think so."

TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

CUST: "...Yes, it is."

TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

CUST: "No."

TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

CUST: "...Okay, here it is."

TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

CUST: "I can't reach."

TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

CUST: "No."

TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

TECH: "Dark?"

CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."

CUST: "I can't."

TECH: "No? Why not?"

CUST: "Because there's a power outage."

TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"

TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Page last modified 2008-03-28
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